“She’s Just Not Revising”: A Psychologist Mum’s Guide to Exam Stress (for You and Them)

By a Clinical Psychologist & Mum of Three.

Right now, we’re in the thick of Year 11. My daughter’s GCSEs are just weeks away.

Revision timetables are taped to the fridge, highlighters are scattered across the

table... and she is doing very little revising.

And yes, I’m a clinical psychologist. But I’m also a mum. And despite everything I

know professionally, my stress still spikes when I see her messaging friends on

snapchat instead of reviewing Romeo and Juliet.

I’ve been here before. My son—now thriving at university—also didn’t revise as

much as I hoped he would. Back then, I felt helpless. Now, I can see he simply

wasn’t ready yet. He got there in his own time, and once he did, his motivation came

from the inside. Not from me.

So if you’re a parent feeling anxious, frustrated, or downright panicked—this blog is

for you. Let’s talk about how we can support ourselves and our children through

exam season without losing our minds (or relationships).

1. Your Calm is Contagious

When we get anxious, our children feel it—even if we don’t say a word. Teenagers

are incredibly sensitive to our emotional tone. If you’re walking on eggshells,

lecturing, or hovering, they’ll pick up on that stress and may either shut down more

or push back harder.

✅ Try this: Before approaching your teen about revision, check in with yourself first.

Take a few deep breaths. Drop your shoulders. Ask yourself, “Am I helping right

now, or adding to the pressure?”

2. Replace Control with Curiosity

It’s tempting to micromanage revision: “Have you started your science notes? When

will you do English?” But in most cases, this leads to power struggles or shutdowns.

Instead, try gentle curiosity:

“I noticed you’re avoiding revision—what’s going on under the surface?”

You might hear: “I don’t know where to start,” or “What’s the point? I’m going to fail

anyway.”

When we stop focusing on the behaviour (not revising) and get curious about

the why, we’re far more likely to connect and help.

3. Trust the Long Game

My son’s revision seemed less effortful than I hoped it would be at GCSEs. I was

worried. But when he got to university, something clicked. He now sets his own

goals, manages his own time, and works harder than I’ve ever seen.

That motivation didn’t come from threats, nagging, or stress. It came

from maturing—and learning through experience. Some young people just need

longer to get there.

So if your child isn’t “there” yet, you haven’t failed. And neither have they.

4. Focus on What You Can Control

You can’t sit the exams for them. You can’t make them revise. But you can:

• Keep meals regular and nourishing

• Encourage sleep and movementb

• Offer to be a revision buddy (only if they want that)

• Remind them: exams measure knowledge, not worth

You can also model self-care—which they absolutely notice. Go for a walk. Journal.

Step away from conflict when needed. This shows them what emotional regulation

looks like in practice.

5. Compassion for You, Too

It’s hard watching your child do less than you know they’re capable of. It’s even

harder when your own anxiety gets triggered. You might feel powerless, resentful,

guilty, or just plain tired.

Those feelings are valid. Parenting through exam season is no small task.

So give yourself permission to not be perfect. To not have the answers. To mess up

and repair. Your child doesn’t need you to be calm all the time—they just need to

know you love them, even when things are messy.

A Final Thought

If your teen is revising hard—great. If they’re not—breathe. This is a moment, not the

whole story. Your relationship with them is longer and more important than any exam

result.

Be the anchor. Keep showing up with quiet belief in who they are beyond the grades.

That safety is what helps them grow into their potential—even if that timeline doesn’t

match the school calendar.

With you in it,

A tired mum and psychologist, reminding us all: this too shall pass.