The night Sudbury Gainsborough WI reminded me of the power of community

Two weeks ago I was welcomed into a warm, humming hall by the women of Sudbury Gainsborough WI. Tea was brewing, plates of cakes and scones were plentiful and chairs were set out with care. The room was full of people who had come not just as parents or grandparents but as neighbours and friends - community members who want to make life a little easier for the young people around them.

I was there to talk about supporting children’s mental health and to sign copies of Happy Families. What I left with was much more: the steady feeling that when a community leans in, children can thrive.

“Would you stop?”

I opened with a true story: a group of teenage boys waving down cars for help after their friend crashed his bike. Over fifty drivers passed. One stopped.

I asked the room, “Would you have stopped?” - and the hall filled with honest reflections. It set the tone for the evening: no judgement, just courage and curiosity. Because our kids “wave their arms” emotionally all the time - in their moods, meltdowns, silences. The question for us is always: will we stop?

The world our children are growing up in

We talked about what it’s like to be young now: constant online connection, performance pressure, global worries - and, crucially, less everyday freedom to roam, play and make small mistakes. We explored how many of us (me included) have absorbed the idea that a “good” childhood should be smooth. When life inevitably gets bumpy, it can feel like failure rather than preparation for adulthood.

A theme that resonated: we’re important, but not all-powerful. We can’t control our child’s temperament, every peer interaction or every outcome. What we can influence - powerfully - is how we show up, what we model, and the atmosphere we create at home.

Less in our heads, more in our lives

Therapy evidence keeps finding that lasting change often comes from what we do, not just what we think. Small real-world actions - approaching feared situations, trying something new, moving our bodies, reconnecting with people - shift mood and rebuild confidence. It’s true for adults and for children.

The room lit up when we talked about restoring play and age-appropriate freedom: walking to a friend’s, den-building, bikes, boredom without a screen. Unsupervised doesn’t have to mean unsafe; it means space to practise being a person in the world, with a steady adult nearby. Parents reflected on their own anxieties about worst-case scenarios and how this impacted on their confidence to allow their children more freedom outside of the house.

Modelling beats lecturing (every time)

We circled back to a simple truth: children learn far more from what we do than what we say. If I want my teen off their phone but mine never leaves my hand, the lesson is clear. If I want them to handle big feelings, the most powerful teaching is how I handle mine: do I pause, breathe, apologise, repair?

Teenagers rarely say, “My parent’s lecture saved me.” They say, “They listened. They believed me. They didn’t give up on me. They apologised.”

Difficulty is part of the job description

When my son came home after his first term at university, he told me about a complicated flatmate situation - mess, conflict, tricky dynamics. He explained how he’d handled it: conversations, boundaries, balancing kindness with firmness. I realised that the bumpy moments we’d worked through in childhood weren’t evidence we’d failed - they were preparation for managing the challenges that life would later bring. He was ready.

Why groups like the WI matter right now

In an age where it can feel harder to connect - where many of us spend more time scrolling than sitting beside one another - the WI’s long tradition of bringing women together to learn, share skills, and act for the common good is quietly radical. The WI’s vision is clear: women coming together as active citizens to improve lives in their local, national and global communities.

From its beginnings in 1915 - giving women a voice and being a force for good - the WI has grown into the UK’s largest women’s organisation and a trusted place for women across generations to learn from one another. That steady, intergenerational space is exactly what many families - and many of us - are missing. It doesn't just take a village to raise a child, it takes a village to raise a parent,

The WI also stands for inclusion and civic contribution: non-party-political, rooted in democratic ideals, and explicit about equality, diversity and inclusion. Put simply, it’s a home for all women who want to connect, learn, campaign and contribute.

I was particularly struck by the hunger for new understanding and knowledge. As I signed copies of my books it was clear the passion for it's members to take the new information shared this evening to their relationships with their adult children, who were often facing their own challenges, and they were desperately trying to find the best way to support them and these relationships which continue to be so precious to them. This was hugely touching - as was one member's comment at the end "Thank you, this evening has helped me understand how I can best be there for my adult son and cultivate that relationship".

And it’s not just tea and cake (though there’s plenty of that hospitality). WI members campaign - on CPR skills and access to defibrillators, climate action, equal pay, mental health, and more - showing how local connection becomes national impact.

A gentle invitation

If you’ve ever wondered whether there’s a place to meet people who care about their neighbours, to learn something new, or to be supported during a tough patch - reach out to your local WI. Visit the WI website to find a group near you, drop in as a guest, and discover where your curiosity or skills might fit. You can go to be uplifted, to offer a hand, or both.

A simple tool for tricky moments (recap)

Try this four-step framework with any age:

1. Notice – “I’ve noticed you’ve been in your room a lot this week.”

2. Connect – “I’m here. I can see this is really hard.”

3. Validate – “Given what happened, I get why you’re upset.”

4. Collaborate – “When you’ve had a breather, what might help? Let’s think together.”

   
   

Two questions to carry this week:

1. What might this behaviour be protecting or expressing?

2. How can I show up as the adult who stops, today?

   
   

Three tiny experiments:

• One shared offline moment – a walk, a game, baking; phones away for both of you.

• One “stay with the feeling” moment – “This feels horrible, and you can handle it. I’m right here.”

• One small risk you allow – they order the drink, ask the question, walk a little further (you cheer from the sidelines).

Thank you, Sudbury Gainsborough WI

Thank you for the generous welcome, the thoughtful questions, the laughter and the honesty. You reminded me that community is a protective factor - for children and for the adults who love them. If you are interested in finding out more please contact through: sudburygainsboroughwi@gmail.com

Invite: host a WI event with me

If you’re part of a WI (or a community group) and would like a warm, practical session on supporting children’s mental health - tailored for parents, grandparents, educators and neighbours - I’d love to join you. I can offer a 45-minute talk plus Q&A and book signing, or a more interactive workshop.

To enquire: send a message via my Facebook or Instagram @drbethmosley, or email drbethmosley@outlook.com. Let’s bring your community together around the children who need us.